GrandmaDVD - 2016
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"Karl: You know the teeth are the only thing we see on a person that'll still look the same when they're dead. When somebody smiles at ya, it's like they're showing you their skeleton."
Bonobo Apes - learn more at http://www.bonobo.org/bonobos/what-is-a-bonobo/
Granddaughter: What's a Bonobo?
Grandma: A very advanced ape. The females run the show, they masturbate all the time...
...and they don't have wars, unlike chimps and humans.
GD: So you think women are better than men?
GM: Men are okay. My father was a man.
GD: Mine was a sperm.
GM: Donor. Your mom was busy. Don't blame her for that. It was a valid decision. At least the sperm didn't black your eye because you talked back.
-- I don't know why.
- Because you just want power. You wanna exert your dominance over me. You want to be the alpha Bonobo.
- You know, you're not a Bonobo, Carla. You're a gorilla. You are a silverback male gorilla.
-- "Dragonfly" was one of my favorite poems. "You bite my wings, Attack me midflight. Evolution's knife Pressed to my throat."
- Yes, that is the one that gets anthologized. Not my favorite, honestly, on a technical level.
-- How come you stopped writing?
- People stopped reading.
-- Do you have a credit card?
- You know, I cut my credit cards up into little pieces. I made a wind chime out of them.
-- Why would you do that?
- I'm transmogrifying my life into art.
-- Oh, my G... You know, what kind of adult doesn't have a credit card?
- This adult. Credit cards infantilize you. They turn you into a pod person.
- You're well past menopause. We both are.
-- It's painful seeing you, because it makes me feel old.
- Oh. I like being old. Young people are stupid.
-- We sure were. We sure were stupid.
He'd find the money if he thought he was gonna swell up...like he swallowed a watermelon.
-You know, you have a real anger problem.
-No. No, I don't. I have an asshole problem. When people are assholes, I get angry.
- So, what's the O stand for?
- Well, O is a big letter for women. Ovaries. Origami. Openness. Orifice. Cheerios. Hello. Old. Oven. Odd. Ossuary. Out.
-- Am I gonna go to hell?
-- Am I gonna go to hell? What if it's true?
- What are you talking about? Along with all the millions of other women who've had abortions?
-- Yeah. Along with them.
- I don't believe in a vengeful God.
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